Leadership
Bosses Day gift from team members and colleagues
Early in my career, there was an internal job posting for a manager position in the organization I was already in. It was never my career aspiration to be in leadership as I felt I was a more valuable team member in a support or advisory role. However, after reading the position requirements and prerequisites, I decided to bid on that internal job. I was thrilled to learn that I was one of the few chosen for an interview.
The interview panel consisted of three directors, one of whom the newly hired manager would report to. The interview consisted of technical questions, behavioral type scenarios and ended with candidates giving an impromptu presentation on a subject given by the panel. I felt I did well on the interview and was pleased to have even gotten that far in the selection process.
Some days later, I was informed that I was not a successful candidate and did not get that position. I was disappointed at first but have always been of the mindset that things happen or do not happen for a reason. I decided to schedule time with each interviewer to get some feedback on my opportunities for growth if I wanted to move into leadership in the future. All three of the interviewers gave me the exact same feedback. “Chip you did very well on the interview. However, we feel you are just too nice to be a manager here. I do not think you could ever terminate an employee.” My heart sank because if this is how they felt, then I would never move into leadership here because not only am I a nice person, but I was raised to also be a good person. As I watched from the sidelines, the newly hired manager did indeed have to terminate an employee.
Fast forward about 20 years. A similar internal leadership job posted, and I decided to throw my name in the hat once again. I knew the job. I had worked in that organization before, and my skills had matured over the years. I interviewed on a Friday at 9AM and had an offer in my email before noon. I gladly accepted and have been in this leadership role over 5 years now. After accepting and starting the new role, I had to terminate one of my team members less than 2 weeks after I started. This was pre-Covid19 and the employee walks into my office at our appointed meeting time and says: “This is going to be a heated conversation”. I calmly replied that “Well, I do not have heated conversations. If we feel it is getting heated or non-productive, then we will reschedule”. The conversation never got heated, I stated the case, showed the data, kept it about performance and not personal. He was terminated that day. No one raised their voice. No one got heated or angry.
Yes, a good leader can and should be nice, respectful, compassionate, and humane—even during difficult conversations, including firing someone. Being kind does not mean avoiding hard truths or sugarcoating reality; it means delivering them with empathy and integrity.
Here is how a good leader balances niceness with tough decisions:
1. Respectful Communication
Use clear, honest language without being harsh.
Don’t attack the person—focus on behavior, performance, or fit.
2. Empathy
Recognize the emotional weight of the conversation.
Give the person space to process and respond.
3. Dignity
Allow them to leave with their dignity intact.
Acknowledge their contributions where appropriate.
4. Preparation and Clarity
Be clear about the reasons and consequences.
Avoid surprises—especially if the issue could have been addressed earlier.
5. Supportive Closure
Offer next steps, referrals, or resources if possible.
Express openness for future positive paths, when appropriate.
Being nice is not weakness—it is emotional intelligence. The strongest leaders can uphold exacting standards while still treating people like human beings.
Take care of yourself and each other!
