Crying

Have you cried recently? Gentlemen, do you cry? It is ok if you do. Sometimes, I do. 

From the moment we are born, crying becomes a central part of how we express ourselves. For those who are parents or for those of us who have otherwise been around a crying baby, we know that it is a powerful way for infants to signal their physical and emotional needs when words are not an option.

But as we grow older and learn to communicate in more sophisticated ways, why do we still cry?

Tears come in many forms, especially as a response to deep emotions. We may cry when we are grieving the loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship or even the loss of a pet. We may cry when we are overwhelmed, frustrated, or in physical or emotional pain. But tears are not always about sorrow—feelings like joy, relief, or pride can trigger them too. Who has not shed a tear after a hard-earned victory or during a moment of unexpected kindness?

And tears can be surprisingly contagious. Certain songs and even fictional characters in movies or books can stir our emotions and make us cry.

Surveys estimate that 85 percent of women and 73 percent of men reported feeling better after crying. Some researchers believe crying helps us release built-up emotions and stress.

 But this feeling of relief may depend not only on tears. The way others respond to our crying also plays a significant role. For instance, when our tears move others to comfort us or to help us, we feel relieved. But if the response to our tears is not good, if our vulnerability is met with indifference or judgment, we may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or rejected.

Several times I have called or visited one of my best friends to share a challenge I'm having with an emotional heartbreak, loss of a friendship, death of a loved one or just with a blue, depressed feeling. Often, he will say: “Do you want to talk about it, or do you want me to cry with you first?” I know that sounds like we need to turn in our “man card.” However, the comfort and support we offer each other in such a way during trying times, strengthens our friendship, and reminds us of how important we are to each other. No conversation is off the table for us as we know each other very well.

The idea that men should not cry is a societal construct that can have negative consequences for mental health, as it can lead to feelings of isolation and difficulty in processing emotions. Normalizing crying for men can reduce the stigma associated with expressing vulnerability and can encourage them to seek help when needed. Embracing crying as a natural part of the human experience can have a positive impact on overall well-being, both physically and mentally. 

No matter the reason, crying is a powerful nonverbal form of communication. As the book Adult Crying puts it, “There are few other ways to say so much in such a brief interval.” Tears instantly signal vulnerability and often evoke empathy from those around us. When we see someone crying, it naturally draws our attention and may move us to offer comfort or support.

While science continues to explore the psychology and physiology behind tears, one thing is certain: crying remains one of the most fascinating emotional expressions we have. It is a deeply human experience, and in many ways, a gift that helps us connect with ourselves and with others.

Take care of yourself and each other!