Empathy

Operation Warm Coat Drive - K.B. Polk Center for Academically Talented & Gifted Students - Dallas, TX

Real Men Read - A.B. Hill Elementary School, Memphis, TN

Sympathy and empathy are often mistaken as interchangeable, yet they are very distinct emotions. Sympathy involves feeling sorrow or pity for someone, whereas empathy goes deeper—it is the ability to understand and share in another person’s feelings. While sympathy is an external expression of emotion, empathy is an internal response, requiring us to step into another’s experience.

I remember telling my employees once that I would be taking a week off from work to be with my mother as she underwent a critical heart operation. Upon my return, not one person asked about my mother.  It was back to work as usual. I don’t think it was out of a non-caring attitude. Sadly, as imperfect humans, we sometimes become so focused on our own life and its challenges that we become blind to the easy opportunities we have, right in front of us, to help others simply by showing sympathy and/or empathy.

As defined, empathy is “the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.” Mental health expert Dr. Rick Hanson even states, “Empathy is in our bones.” When we empathize, we recognize our shared humanity—we see that others experience emotions just as we do.

However, when we focus too much on differences, we risk seeing those who are different from us as flawed or inferior. This mindset creates barriers to empathy, making it difficult to connect with and support others. Conversely, when we acknowledge our commonalities, we cultivate understanding and reduce judgment.

One Saturday, I had an experience that reinforced the impact of sympathy and empathy. I was working out at my gym, located in a high-rise downtown. As I finished my routine, I looked out the window from the second floor and saw a man sitting alone on the sidewalk below. From his long unkempt hair and disheveled appearance. I assumed he was homeless. The scorching summer heat made his situation even more striking. Have you ever been somewhere and something within you or from outside of you moves you to exercise extraordinary kindness to someone you don’t even know? You pay for the car behind you at a coffee shop drive through lane. You stop and render aid to someone having automobile issues on the side of the road. Something within me urged me to act.

I went downstairs to the Starbucks on the building’s ground floor and bought him breakfast—a hot sandwich, a pastry, a large coffee, and an ice water. Holding the tray, I walked around the city block searching for him. When I found him, he had his head down. I approached cautiously, not wanting to startle him. Sensing my presence, he slowly lifted his head. I handed him the tray and simply said, “I wanted to bring you breakfast this morning.” He looked up at me with striking blue eyes and a grateful smile. “I am forever grateful,” he said. I responded, “You are so welcome.” I felt a human connection or bond with this total stranger that I will never forget. Granted, I have never been homeless. However, there have been times in my life where I felt very alone, unwanted and not valued. Maybe that was our connection.

As I walked back into the air-conditioned gym, my thoughts lingered on that man. I knew that breakfast probably wouldn’t permanently change the course of his life. I don’t know what choices, challenges or circumstances brought him to that corner that day. What I do know is in that moment, something moved me to give this fellow human being, albeit temporary, something to be grateful for. 

Sympathy is saying, “I know how you feel.” Empathy is saying, “I feel how you feel.” Empathy is deeper—it is about truly connecting with another’s experience. In that moment, I acted out of both sympathy and empathy, but most importantly, compassion—the desire to alleviate someone’s suffering.

Every Saturday, I still glance out that same window, hoping to see him again. I haven’t, but I do hope he is well.

Take care of yourself and each other!