If
FedEx Campus - Plano, TX
Do you ever have to stop yourself from going down the “If only” or “what ifs” rabbit hole? Thoughts like: If only I had gotten that job I applied for. If only they felt the same about me as I do them. What if she does not like me? What if I had pursued that relationship? What if I fail? What if I had gotten that promotion or the job that I applied for?
Living with the “If only” or “what if” mindset can be limiting because it keeps us focused on the past or on hypothetical situations, preventing us from truly engaging in the present “what is” moments. The “if only” “what if” thought patterns can also make us harbor feelings of regret, dissatisfaction, or frustration as we are constantly wishing for things to have turned out differently or imagining that some change would have made life better. This can lead to:
Unrealistic expectations: Constantly thinking about the “if only” creates an idolized version of what could have been, ignoring the complexities or challenges that might have come from those alternative scenarios.
Regret and resentment: Fixating on what could have been might make you feel stuck, leading to regret or resentment toward your current situation or the choices you made.
Missed opportunities: When you are constantly wishing for the past to have been different, you might overlook or miss new opportunities in your life. The “if only” mindset can paralyze you, making it hard to move forward and act in the present.
Lack of self-compassion and grace: You might be overly critical of yourself, blaming yourself for missed opportunities or perceived mistakes which can harm your self-esteem and wellbeing.
Perhaps like me, you have experienced that “if only” or “what if” mindset in one form or another. I have found that a healthier approach instead of focusing on those moments is to focus on the present, what I call the “what is” moment and accept that life is shaped by both choices and circumstances. Learning from past experiences and applying those lessons while embracing what you can control in the now can lead to greater fulfillment now an into the future.
Living in the present offers several key benefits, both mentally and emotionally. Some of these may be:
Reduced stress and anxiety
Improved mental health
Increased mindfulness
Better relationships
Enhanced focus and productivity
Increased joy and gratitude
Life will feel like a series of terrible misfortunes if you allow the “if only” and “what ifs” to infect your mind. Ultimately, living in the present and not focused on the ‘if only” and “what if” moments promote a sense of balance and well-being, helping you make the most of life as it happens, without being bogged down by the past or overwhelmed by the future. I hope you find peace in the “what is” moment!
Take care of yourself and each other!
