Thriving
Author John L. Mason said that humans are like a tea bag. We are not worth much until we have been through some hot water. I love that analogy as we can all point to some periods in our lives that felt like we were in hot water. Anxiety touches everyone in one form or another. Have you ever felt anxious and like you were in “hot water” because of financial troubles, family problems, depression, unresolved trauma, employment, or health concerns? If so, you are not alone.
I hardly ever talk about this. However, when I was a child from the ages of 7-10, I was a statistic. Researchers have found that at least 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual abuse or assault, whether in childhood or as an adult and I was one of those victims. One in six is a low estimate, since it does not include noncontact experiences, which can also have lasting negative effects. The physical and mental abuse stopped when my family moved to a different state. The perpetrator was an extended family member and has long passed away. As a young person experiencing such secretive trauma, you can imagine that I felt like that tea bag in hot water.
Growing up with this secret that only the perpetrator and I knew about certainly has had long lasting effects on me, my relationships, and my view of intimacy. I have always considered myself “Gracefully Broken.” I went through a period where I felt at fault, shame, worthless and dirty. I needed to prove to everyone, including myself, that although I had this very dark period in my life that I was a good, normal person and could excel in life. I was a straight A student with perfect attendance. I was a competitive bodybuilder. I have visited more countries than I can count on incredible vacations. My homes and automobiles have always been immaculate, and I am usually very smartly dressed. I was hoping how people saw me was different than what I was feeling inside. The desire to Thrive instead of just Survive was extraordinarily strong.
Throughout my life journey, I continue to heal. One full circle moment for me was when one of my closest friends, who was one of the few that knew my story, asked me to be on the board of directors for the city’s Child Advocacy Agency. Here, I was able to affect policy, procedures and even legislation to help abuse victims. More importantly, I was able to openly share my story with many people and show them how you can not only survive but you can Thrive. This was an important ah ha moment for me and the board.
Survival is about bare minimum, while thriving is about flourishing and reaching your full potential. Some ways to thrive include maintaining a daily routine, staying connected with friends and family, focusing on the present moment, challenging yourself, helping others and looking for opportunities and possibilities. Thriving over surviving is a mindset shift that is all about moving from merely getting by to truly living a fulfilled and meaningful life. Surviving is often about meeting basic needs—just staying afloat through challenges, managing stress, and coping with life’s difficulties. It is necessary, but it can feel like you are stuck in a reactive mode, just managing things as they come.
Thriving, on the other hand, is about actively pursuing growth, well-being, and purpose. It is about flourishing mentally, emotionally, and socially. Thriving involves creating a life where you feel a sense of achievement, personal development, and joy, even in the face of challenges. It focuses on progress, cultivating resilience, and finding deeper meaning in your experiences.
The importance of thriving over surviving is that it encourages you to move toward self-actualization—becoming the best version of yourself. It fosters more positive experiences, builds confidence, and often leads to greater long-term happiness and contentment. Plus, when you are thriving, you tend to be more resourceful, compassionate, and connected with others, which creates a positive ripple effect in your community.
Make no mistake about it, I am not perfect and nowhere near my full potential. I am still a work in progress and so grateful to those people and experiences that have helped me on my journey to THRIVE. I have not forgotten that childhood trauma. I just refuse to stew in it. Remember, you do not drown by falling in the water. You only drown by staying there!
Take care of yourself and each other!
